Sunday, April 17, 2011

The Woodlands

As I walk through the woodland near my house, it seems so mysterious and magical. The woods are old, full of broken tree limbs, fallen branches and a think blanket of leaves. A nice place to sit and think, or hide from somebody you would rather not talk with! As my mind drifts to peace and thoughts of contentment. A mellow feeling consumes my mind, relaxing my body. Trying to leave behind the day of arguing and fighting. I turn to my addiction, the woodlands. Finding myself returning to them more often, always finding comfort here. Listening to the quiet gives me a sense of freedom, a feeling of oneness with everything around me.

I have been to most of the vast forest I call solitude. Thinking today may just be the day to find my way to the untouched area. Heading deeper into the woodlands I see familiar markings on rocks and trees, each one brings back a memory of why I ventured to that point. It also brings thoughts of the journey I had that day. Pausing a rock I see a pale white mark on it from long ago, fading from the wind and rain I touch it knowing I may never see the mark and memory it gives me.

Running my fingers over it, I remember the day I made this mark, Father and I had been arguing in the house, It was about nothing really. One comment lead to another and before I knew it we were arguing. I ran out of the house and fell on the ground crying. I hated that we argued so often. I have tried to be  the best daughter I could be. He seems to never be happy and always has something rude to say or often says something that hurts my feelings. I can handle many things, but being belittled and humiliated crushes me. I would always run to the woods for safety. Rugged and vast it was, but peaceful and serene for the mood I would be in. It seems to be well maintained, which seems odd because we one the land and no one has been seen in here.

I walk deeper into the woods spotting another mark I had made on a tree. The bark slowly closing back in. This was the mark I made when I was searching for a place to build a refuge. A place nobody would ever find, thinking about that now makes me laugh. How could I hide in such a place of beauty and not be found? This is the point that I usually  turn around and go home. This evening I am determined to explore the rest of the woodland. I need time away from the house to relax and cry a little.

As I walk deeper into the woods it seems so dull and lifeless. I see a deer or a rabbit maybe a bird occasionally. Which is fine by me. I love to see animals but deer scare me for some reason. I am not sure why, They are so lovely and agile. I guess I am more of a butterfly and rabbit person, I find a small smile come out when I think about them.

I start climbing a small hill that seems to get taller as I climb. I pick up a branch and use it as a walking stick. I walk the hill slowly, gradually to the top. As I reach the top I stop and sit for a minute. Thinking that the climb took forever and does not see that far from where I started. I look around slowly and see the woodland I had just left, It seems looking back things are slightly different. The trees look more lively form this angle, you can actually see an animal or two! This is indeed a beautiful point to see everything. I have found a new spot that I will claim as mine!
Hearing a small buzz in my ear, I turn to my right but see nothing. I continue my turn to look behind me. I look over the hill and see a path down the hill, puzzled as to why it is only on one side of the hill I begin to follow it cautiously. Walking very slowly down the hill. I hear that annoying little buzz in my ear as I walk, I brush my hair with my fingers and the sound disappears.

As I walk further down the hill a thick mist of fog slowly moves in making it rather hard to see anything. I love slower looking to see if there is a turn in the path somewhere. The path is so tiny it is hard to see in the mist. I see a small bend in it to the right and further down it goes. The walk down the hill seems even longer than the walk up. Maybe its just having to take time because of the mist but when will this path end?

I start to see brightness coming from the cloud, maybe I am close to the edge of this mess. I start to hear birds chirping, such a lovely sound to hear. As I start to break through the mist I hear the annoying buzzing again. Why is it attracted to me? I can hear a trickling stream, huff beats are close to me. I hope it is not a deer, I am becoming scared because I cant see what I hear. Taking a few more steps I start to see figures. I am not sure what they are other than shadows. I am having second thoughts about this journey I am on.

I stop walking thinking it may be best to turn back and run. I have come this far and now think it is best to just go back to where I feel safer. I feel that I need to keep moving forward though, Like I am being drawn thru the mist for a reason, As I take a few cautious steps forward I see….

To be continued =)

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