Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The Questions.

The Questions ©

A sound of screaming, brings me back to conscience. I shake my head to get rid of the haze. Opening my eyes, a blur keeps me from seeing well. Feeling a heaviness on my arms and chest, not being able to move. I don’t know what has happened. I remember was driving down a dirt road, to drop off my girlfriend. I saw something, some kind of animal I guess. What ever it was, jumped in front of me, I swerved on instinct. The last thing I remember was the car flying through the air, spinning from in circles. The screams  I still hear filling my head, For some reason I don’t feel anything broken, No pain at all actually, I pull my arm out from what is laying on me, Rubbing my eyes, they begin to sting. When I open my eyes everything is a reddish tint. Looking I see blood all over my hand and arm. Hearing the screams of terror, I panic. I need to find out what is going on.

I look down to my chest and see someone is on top me. I yell and start to squirm out from under the body. Struggling to get free, my head is full of confusion.  After freeing myself I crawl away quickly. Hiding behind a tree. I look back at the body and am puzzled as to what is going on. Close screams are piercing my ears, adding to my confusion.  My body feels so weird, I feel numb. The night is a scalding temperature, well over 100. Yet I am not hot! I don’t even feel warm, I am not sweating, How can this be? Am I in shock? It is all so confusing. What has happened? Where am I?  What is wrong with me? I want to find out the answers. So I can put all of this together.

I look from behind the tree and see the body that was on top me has moved slightly. There is a chance the person is alive, If I can help in any way, I will. Feeling weak, hearing my stomach churn. How the hell can I be hungry at a time like this? I sneak over to the body, nudging the person I hear a faint moan. Rolling the body over I swallow hard. Its Amy, my love. So much blood I didn’t even recognize her. Quickly I lift her shoulders and hold her. She is trying to whisper, but what she is saying makes no sense. Blood slowly runs down her hair line, over her temple, to her cheek and then neck. I try to stop the bleeding but she wont let me. The more I try to help her, the more she tries to talk, rubbing her blood on my face, Why is she doing this? I just want to help her. Loosing Amy is not an option. We have been together for years. She is the love of my life. If she dies, I will loose the best part of my life. Amy has covered my face in blood and wont let me work on her wounds. Its not like her to act this way. She seems to be forcing herself to give up.

 Anger takes over and I force her to let me cover her wounds. It is then I find that there is not much I can do to help her. The injuries are to vast and to many to stop all the bleeding. The more blood she looses the weaker she becomes. Holding her is the only way I can comfort my love. The scent of her blood is so strong, I can feel my shirt and pant soaked form her blood. At first the thought of her bleeding to death made me sick. I am being strong for the both of us. The blood doesn’t smell quite as bad and I feel a strange calm over take my body. I feel the urge to eat, I can’t define what it is. Why would I feel like eating while I am holding my love. Ignoring the feeling I can feel my body begin to weaken, My head starts spinning, I become dizzy, I feel myself slowly passing out as I lean into Amy.

Waking I find myself collapsed over Amy, She is lifeless. No pulse, she has gotten cold and pale. I reach for my cell to call for help, It is smashed into pieces on a rock near her body.  Her purse is missing so I cant use her cell. Maybe we were mugged. I don’t have my ID or any money. It gets more confusing. Moving my precious Amy to the woodland where I hid. It seems safe and will be less likely someone will do anything to her body. I can cover her body until I can find help. Covering her body slowly with branches and leaves, carefully arranging all the cover gracefully, I lean down and give her one last kiss.  Covering her face carefully, saying a small prayer for her. Her blood is now stale and rancid to even smell. Wiping my face and mouth, trying to clean up the best I can. The blood has dried on me and there is not much to do until I find a place to wash and clean up.

I leave her body and try not looking back, it is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. Leaving her all alone like this is a horrible thing to do, I really have no other choice. It breaks my heart knowing she dead. If I would have swerved the other way, Maybe she would have lived and everything would have been just wonderful. I will never forgive myself. The only thing I know for sure is that I have such a lonely, empty feeling inside me. I have to put all feeling I have on hold and find some help to bring for her.

Moving down the woodland edge, I try to sneak my way thru the shadows. Heading as far away from the screams and moans as I can. I am no hero, it will be safer to move as far away from the horrible noises. All I would like to just hide until the noises leave but I can not, Felling the drive to find out what the hell has happened. Running as fast as I can, It seems I am stronger and faster. Maybe the black out was what I needed to get my strength back. Thinking more clearly I head cautiously toward the dim pulse of light. As I move closer I slow my pace. I become scared and slow to a crawl, not knowing what the light is or who is using the light. Everything seems so different, as if something evil is lurking. As I look to my left I find a rode to the side of me. Moving through the brush I get closer to it. I am hoping to hide until I see a car or truck coming and stop them for help.

Hiding and waiting by the road for what seemed hours, I see no traffic. Wondering what time it may be, This road looks like a main road, you would think traffic would be flowing back and forth.  Nothing makes sense anymore. Deciding it is a waist of time I start moving towards the dim light as cautious as possible. When I get closer I see a clearing with a huge grassy dirt mound. The land marks are familiar, I may be wrong, coming from the woodlands my judgment may be a little confused. The dirt mound may be the one at Graystones Store, I wont be sure until I see the other side. If it is the mound by the store, I will know exactly where I am. I like the Graystones, such a lovely old couple. Always smiling and telling stories of their younger days. The store had better days,  it’s a small mom and pop general store. It is old with creaking wood floors, beams  and slats for the ceiling and stained walls from years of smoke. They were over priced and out dated for years, but everyone loved them and everyone went there to keep them in business.

Making my way to the dirt hill I see the flickering light.  It seems to be getting weaker, I hope they are ok and are having one of there famous  bon fires. I could use their phone to call for help. Maybe they could tell me what is going on. As I sneak around the back of the hill my hopes of help fall to nothingness, I see what is left of Graystones store. It must of caught fire much earlier, there is nothing left but a partial floor and burnt smoldering walls. The smell old burnt wood and plaster. What happened to the store?  Why didn’t the fire dept put it out before it burned this badly? I see the owners car here, I hope they weren’t inside when the fire started. I walk closer looking around I see so many old memories burnt and ruined. Photos and old vinyl records, burnt and melted Still finding no answers to any of my questions. Going to the car in the back, I look and it is locked. I sit behind it to try and piece together what has happened since the accident.

End Part 1


Sunday, April 17, 2011

The Woodlands

As I walk through the woodland near my house, it seems so mysterious and magical. The woods are old, full of broken tree limbs, fallen branches and a think blanket of leaves. A nice place to sit and think, or hide from somebody you would rather not talk with! As my mind drifts to peace and thoughts of contentment. A mellow feeling consumes my mind, relaxing my body. Trying to leave behind the day of arguing and fighting. I turn to my addiction, the woodlands. Finding myself returning to them more often, always finding comfort here. Listening to the quiet gives me a sense of freedom, a feeling of oneness with everything around me.

I have been to most of the vast forest I call solitude. Thinking today may just be the day to find my way to the untouched area. Heading deeper into the woodlands I see familiar markings on rocks and trees, each one brings back a memory of why I ventured to that point. It also brings thoughts of the journey I had that day. Pausing a rock I see a pale white mark on it from long ago, fading from the wind and rain I touch it knowing I may never see the mark and memory it gives me.

Running my fingers over it, I remember the day I made this mark, Father and I had been arguing in the house, It was about nothing really. One comment lead to another and before I knew it we were arguing. I ran out of the house and fell on the ground crying. I hated that we argued so often. I have tried to be  the best daughter I could be. He seems to never be happy and always has something rude to say or often says something that hurts my feelings. I can handle many things, but being belittled and humiliated crushes me. I would always run to the woods for safety. Rugged and vast it was, but peaceful and serene for the mood I would be in. It seems to be well maintained, which seems odd because we one the land and no one has been seen in here.

I walk deeper into the woods spotting another mark I had made on a tree. The bark slowly closing back in. This was the mark I made when I was searching for a place to build a refuge. A place nobody would ever find, thinking about that now makes me laugh. How could I hide in such a place of beauty and not be found? This is the point that I usually  turn around and go home. This evening I am determined to explore the rest of the woodland. I need time away from the house to relax and cry a little.

As I walk deeper into the woods it seems so dull and lifeless. I see a deer or a rabbit maybe a bird occasionally. Which is fine by me. I love to see animals but deer scare me for some reason. I am not sure why, They are so lovely and agile. I guess I am more of a butterfly and rabbit person, I find a small smile come out when I think about them.

I start climbing a small hill that seems to get taller as I climb. I pick up a branch and use it as a walking stick. I walk the hill slowly, gradually to the top. As I reach the top I stop and sit for a minute. Thinking that the climb took forever and does not see that far from where I started. I look around slowly and see the woodland I had just left, It seems looking back things are slightly different. The trees look more lively form this angle, you can actually see an animal or two! This is indeed a beautiful point to see everything. I have found a new spot that I will claim as mine!
Hearing a small buzz in my ear, I turn to my right but see nothing. I continue my turn to look behind me. I look over the hill and see a path down the hill, puzzled as to why it is only on one side of the hill I begin to follow it cautiously. Walking very slowly down the hill. I hear that annoying little buzz in my ear as I walk, I brush my hair with my fingers and the sound disappears.

As I walk further down the hill a thick mist of fog slowly moves in making it rather hard to see anything. I love slower looking to see if there is a turn in the path somewhere. The path is so tiny it is hard to see in the mist. I see a small bend in it to the right and further down it goes. The walk down the hill seems even longer than the walk up. Maybe its just having to take time because of the mist but when will this path end?

I start to see brightness coming from the cloud, maybe I am close to the edge of this mess. I start to hear birds chirping, such a lovely sound to hear. As I start to break through the mist I hear the annoying buzzing again. Why is it attracted to me? I can hear a trickling stream, huff beats are close to me. I hope it is not a deer, I am becoming scared because I cant see what I hear. Taking a few more steps I start to see figures. I am not sure what they are other than shadows. I am having second thoughts about this journey I am on.

I stop walking thinking it may be best to turn back and run. I have come this far and now think it is best to just go back to where I feel safer. I feel that I need to keep moving forward though, Like I am being drawn thru the mist for a reason, As I take a few cautious steps forward I see….

To be continued =)